Taking a Leap of Faith

Imagine being pressed up at the edge of a cliff. Should we just hang out there while life is closing in or should we take the leap? When faced with uncertainty, do we listen to our fears or do we overcome them? To jump or not to jump?

Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

The Downward Spiral

When I was working my fancy corporate job, by society’s standards, I “had it made” — working for a company with a cool brand name, a handsome paycheck, and never-ending perks that even covered my dog’s medical expenses. However, it was the most miserable I had ever been in my life. My job left me in a perpetual state of taking one step forward and two steps back; at the end of each day I was so drained with no energy to take care of myself, much less have a healthy social or dating life. I was feeling increasingly isolated and lonely, until one day when I crossed the line from sadness over to clinical depression.

It felt like a gaping vortex that would just consume me deeper and deeper — while I knew that I was miserable, I also felt entirely dependent on the source of my misery. After all, if I left my job, how can I pay for my therapy sessions? If I’m not working and generating a paycheck, will that make me more depressed? If I don’t see my colleagues every day, who will I talk to? Plus, I am very privileged and appreciated for what I do — am I just being overly dramatic about my job?

In hindsight, I realize that this was all some form of fear and a means to justify the fear. It was an addiction that pulled me in and kept me trapped, just like a drug. Only I was not addicted to some physical substance. My addiction was to a sense of belonging and acceptance. I wanted to so badly fit in with my societal surroundings that I neglected my inner self. What I feared most was rejection, abandonment, and scarcity — and I let those fears rule my life.

Breaking The Chains

Today there is increasing research in the field of quantum physics that is proving out what yogis and sages intuitively believed centuries ago — it was that our thoughts exist as vibrations of energy, and those thoughts in turn create the very physical matter of our existence, which is also energy. That means if we stay in fear of something, our reality is created by those fears. On the flip side, if we learn to control our thoughts and feelings, we can ‘manifest’ everything we want in life.

So, the key to ending my societal addictions and fears was not a step-wise list of activities or things to plan, budget, or do; it was just learning to be. My only reality was my fear, and my fear was creating my experience. My paradigm shifted when I stopped thinking about how I can make ends meet without my job. Instead, I trusted that I will be able to support myself when I commit to my truest self. This was, at the most foundational level, a psychological and psychosomatic shift of mind and body. While it may seem very basic on the surface, it was a deep inner working and a stronger experiential understanding of my spiritual practice. A practice of separating ego from pure consciousness.

Taking a Leap of Faith

This shift in mindset happened in March 2018 (during a 10 day silent Vipassana meditation course). I set the intention to leave my job, take time to travel the world, make genuine friends, find love, and do the work that I enjoy doing and also supports my lifestyle. After I set the intention, I sat back and watched how the events at my work unfolded, and within three months left my job with a generous gift. I am now in Bali, practicing yoga daily, meeting interesting people, and starting to do the things I love in every moment, which includes this blog.

We all have a lot of fears and blockages that prevent us from moving in the direction we need — whether it’s ending a relationship, leaving a miserable job, or whatever else in our life that needs changing. The very moment we start to justify staying where we are is a sign that there is an greater calling for us, and we have to do something else. That’s the signal for us to go into meditation, face our fears, and learn about our truest selves. Set our egos aside, move our intentions front-and-center, trust in the universal power, stay with the moment, and be with the journey as it unfolds.